So, I was talking to this boy.
I can’t believe I’m starting this post off like that but I am, and I was.
he was opposite of me inside and out. tall, dark, compassionate, effortless. not that i lack compassion, but he was full of it. he told me that when i walk by his desk at work, he fights the urge to stop me in my tracks and talk to me. when he walks by mine, i avoid eye contact and pretend i don’t see him. he makes calls for a living. CALLS. cold calls. in the middle of the office. where everybody can hear him. he calls businesses, bosses, regular people and has prospects and leads and other things i will never understand and i don’t know how he does it and i don’t wish i did but i wish i wanted to because he CHARMS. he really does and the thing is, i don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it. but i watch. i sit at my computer, writing emails, sometimes staying completely silent for a full 8 hours and i hear his voice on the phone, laughing with coworkers, booming. and i’m jealous.
but that isn’t what this is.
it isn’t jealousy. resentment? maybe a little. but can you resent somebody you admire? i guess so. admiration. maybe that’s it. cause i’m not going anywhere near love. i mean, i’ve only known him for 3 weeks. and now he’s not speaking to me. so no, i’m not going anywhere near love. and i probably never will.